I have reached a point in my life as a mummy, where I am starting to imagine which path my eldest is likely to go down in her own life. Though she is only 6, I can see her aptitude for Gymnastics increasing, her love of maths cultivating and her dislike of all day art days at school as it isn’t following our normal schedule’. She is very unlike me in most of the above and seems to crave more gymnastics as the discipline of the sport appeals to her.She tells me how she would like to compete but whether or not she has any idea of what is involved if one chooses to pursue competitive gymnastics( not that I do)I have the struggle of how to encourage this without being pushy or how do I relate when I am not competitive at all? I also get hives if the discipline is too firm leaving little time to day dream about purple overstuffed brocade armchairs.
I say ‘but just have fun’ She says ‘but winning is fun’ . If I dont’ encourage this sporty need to win side, am I being to artsy and laid back, projecting my fear of strict regimented anything onto her ? Or, if I encourage the competitive sporty attributes how far do I go? If she is tired do I let her stay home from gymnastics or do I say’ no, you are going the best don’t stay home watching Peppa Pig?’
Trying to ge an answer from some gym clubs is tricky as they can label you as the pushy mum rather than encouraging mum or the plain ol confused what do I do with my flexible springy child mum.So , I choose to encourage her like school, say it is okay to want to win but don’t do mean things to people in order to win and tell her that we can find things we love difficult. It is okay.Isn’t it? I think it must be
It makes me sad when i read about a gold medalist or a successful actress, singer, Dr etc who is miserable with her success as she only worked herself to exhaustion to please her parents. Did they know this at the time or did they think “we only did what was best”. Some mums do push their kids for their own glory and I wont’ mention ‘Tantrums and Tiaras’ as this is a disturbing, extreme example.
Then you hear the tale of woe from the dissatisfied with life gal who suffers from unrecognised creative genius symdrome.She spends most of her days in a job she does to live but hates it. She feels she didn’t give her dream her all and therefore sits in a cubical wondering how different my life might be if only my parents had pushed me harder.
If we push too hard and they end up on drugs resenting the world or we dont’ push enough and all their hard earning go to therapy trying to work through angst due to un pursued dreams. Whatever the action what ever the outcome, is it always going to be our fault.? I want to be able to look at my daughter hear her say ‘I am happy thanks to you’
Is there an answer, can we get it right? when to we launch full on encouraging and how do we as mums know when to hold em and when to fold em?And not just laundry, strictly speaking.
For now, I will be thankful my biggest dilemma and choice to make is what to cook for dinner. I will worry about my future career and hers later.