I can vividly recall that sinking feeling of putting on weight.The sinking feeling was emotional, not the furniture bowing due to weight gain. I felt like I went to bed my normal size then woke up pudgy. I had a bad spell with anxiety and depression so was put on medication which helped but I suspect started the weight gain. Add a move to the UK from Canada , then a few years latter began a solid 5 years of pregnancies.
After my youngest was born, my sister selfishly deiced to get married and make me her Matron of Honour. I was honoured and a matron at the time but I was also faced with standing in a wedding party consisting of triathletes and avid cyclists. The only solace I took from this prospect was that my heaving bosom would probably detract form my lack of leanness.
I saw a personal trainer and lost some weight but I couldn’t keep it off. It was mostly due to being a busy mum with 3 kids age 5 and under, feeling tired and being in the wrong head space -I gave up. I made excuses as to why I would have to accept being overweight. It did bother me though. I knew it wasn’t healthy and I also love clothes, fashion and what I like to wear no longer suited me. I lost my fashion groove, I lost my figure. I became an excuse making person which wasn’t at all my style. My usual approach is very much ‘ don’t moan about it, try to fix it.Actually more like ‘do or do not there is not try’!
As an actor too, I kept getting put forward for ‘fat roles’ or the ‘at risk diabetic patient’ for medical role play I was always the ‘concerned about being overweight’ case study.
Add all the above into a deteriorating marriage which in hindsight had me comfort eating. Eventing was going wrong. I was supposed to be skinny not fat. I am someone who is very much a mama bear and wife-divorce was my only option but not a happy one.With my history of anxiety and depression I was in a bad bad angry miserable headspace. I could have stayed there but I didn’t.
Fast forward to Christmas 2015 I was in Calgary visiting my family with my kids realising that divorce was inevitable. It was -20 degrees celsius which meant ice skating outdoors! One of my favourite things to do. Crisp, frozen air, the carving schkreetch sound you skates make, the social nature of skating with pals and family, and the mind cleaning effect it has. My legs got toned, my head started to clear. I felt good. I knew I had to keep this up when I returned to London. Outdoor exercise with people!
Cue New Years day. I’m back in rainy London, knowing I was going to file for divorce -I needed to keep fit otherwise I would descend deeper into despair. But how? The only gym I could afford was grim-a grim gym. Not motivating, crowded a stuffy. Then it happened . One night on Facebook my daughter’s former gymnastics coach sent me a page like for KingFit Personal Training ,run by one of the gymnastics dad’s Andy King, advertising outdoor group exercise. It was like those moments in a movie where the heroine is at a loss, a crossroads and a magic ticket, blows into her house from out of the blue.
I went to a trial class mid January, feeling a bit intimidated as I was embarrassed by my wobble and was worried Andy would be sniggering at my muffin top. Well, let me tell you it wasn’t like that at all He laughed at me but mostly because I couldn’t’ catch a tennis ball. I had always been fit but not a fan or sports-especially ones that involve balls. Crossed eye as a child. Balls frightened me. Anyway I digress. I loved the FitStart classes so I, for the first time in my life, made time to exercise. I took Fridays off of work ( I’m self employed)so I had no excuse. I went every Friday. Still do. Then it happened . I needed a bigger hit. Before I knew it my trainers were on, my play list was full of awesome work out tunes and I was galloping through Richmond park. This too was thanks to a motivational message form Andy. This act of running happened every Sunday. First 4k , then 5k and now I’m up to 10k The combination of the varied circuit training and running made me feel reborn or rather at my age probably recycled. The motivation to keep fit was a mixture of the social aspect of the 5 others training with me and seeing results, feeling better having better skin and above all my appetite decreased. I felt full for the first time in years after eating . To my shock it was because I wasn’t depressed anymore. I was stressed and upset with my divorce but all the boxing let me punch off my anger. The battle rope let me whip the blues in the butt while simultaneously trimming my waist, toning my obliques.
I replaced pasta for courgette spaghetti, made sure I was very mindful of how much bread I ate, snacked less and drank more water. The other thing I realised was I didn’t weigh myself nor did I obsess over the weight loss or compare my weight loss with others. I would try and lose weight with my friends and then get discouraged if my weight wasn’t shifting as quickly. I would get discouraged if the scale wasn’t groaning less. I would lose motivation and give up. This time, I think because I felt so good after doing FitStart I didn’t feel like eating bad food. I wasn’t concerned with weighing myself. I wanted to keep feeling good so naturally did things that me make me feel healthy.This was my focus rather than lose weight. FitStart has become the highlight of my week-exercising and socialising. I need to chat on most occasions. Exercise is no different. We actually laugh while pushing our bodied to the limit.
I went to the Dr and guess what he told me, guess what he told me? He said girl you’ve lost 10kg!!! That is the equivalent of 2 of the medicine balls we ball slam with. It has all fallen into place like a well slammed medicine ball. I’ve lost weight, made friends, combated depression and embraced courgette spaghetti.I haven’t quite let quinoa ask me out on a second date though And most importantly, I’ve got my fashion groove back. Floaty boho chic with lipstick in a body that has shed two medicine balls.
Plumper,big hair Thinner,big hair